Thursday, June 24, 2010

Reading Manuals and Directions...

06/24/2010

I am more than a regular guy, I think, at least I believe I am given my limited mental capacity; therefore, I have little if any need to read manuals or directions, and more than “therefore,” I do not.

There is a tenet in Murphy’s Law that reads, “There is never time to do it right, but always time to do it over.” That pretty much describes how I have always conducted my life and more likely will continue for the rest of it.  God only knows why I am this way, but it is what it is, I don’t screw around with nature.

If I had to guess, I highly suspect I am a visual learner.  I have never had a high level of reading comprehension, perhaps because in my youth I did not read anything other than comic books.  In the seventh grade I was placed in a remedial reading class taught by Mrs. Mills, a teacher who looked more like Olive Oyl than Olive Oyl.  Her looks were a distraction for me, and, very frankly, as an under-achiever I didn’t care about my reading comprehension level, and I have no idea whether or not it improved.  I can, however, vouch that through periodicals such as Playboy my visual learning skills are much improved; I am a keen observer of the feminine form.

All of this leads me to where I wanted to go when I began to type this.  You now have an idea of who I am.  You also know this is leading to something totally meaningless, inane and silly.  So here it is.

I took delivery of a 2009 Jeep Cherokee in December 2008.  It came with a GPS system with Sirius radio capability (which I use) and a crap load of other gadgets built in it (which I do not use).  If you have seen the ignition keys to one of these Chrysler vehicles you know they are really funny looking, and loaded with a number of buttons.  You also have probably guessed the vehicle’s manual is still wrapped in the plastic bag it was shipped in.

Sunday morning The Nancy and I were leaving Suffolk, Virginia.  As she was finishing her two-hour daily routine to prepare herself for presentation to the masses, I toted some items to the car.  As I approached it I took my key ring from my pocket, and as I looked at it to locate the button to unlock the doors I noticed one I had no idea what it was for, so I pressed it.  Please, try to imagine my utter shock and surprise when some seventy-five feet from where I stood the horn tooted twice followed by the engine starting?

I have had this vehicle for a year and a half, and the time period includes two winters.  I don’t think I could count the number of times in both winters and now into the second summer when I trudged outside to start it to warm it up or cool it off.  To think I could have merely pushed this particular button from the comfort of my home to arrange for a heated or cooled car is mind boggling.  The Nancy has had great fun teasing me about this (though she hasn’t read the manual either) and both of us wonder if the other Jeep Cherokee I had for three years prior to this one had the same feature: I pray it did not.

One might think this has taught me valuable lesson?  I can verify unequivocally this has not occurred.  That adage about the old dogs and new tricks seems to fit yours truly nicely, and if need be, I can always fall back on Murphy’s Law.

And that is all I have to say about that…