The Urge to Spit

02/24/2009

Have you ever watched a baseball game on TV?  Ever take notice of how often baseball players spit?  Seems like adjusting crotches and spitting, along with a small measure of ability to hit the ball, is all one needs to be successful at baseball.  Perhaps some pharmaceuticals may play a little part on whether or not super status can be reached, but we can leave that to the A-Rods, Bonds and Clemens of the sport.  But, I am a bit off course, this piece is about spitting,so I need to reverse it.

First off, spitting is a nasty thing to do, I agree, but as a guy I see it all the time.  I am not sure why this is or why it happens, but for most guys it is involuntary.  We do it like a fart in the middle of the night, it just happens.  It is like driving in the car alone, we guys will talk to ourselves.  We don’t mean to, it just happens.  Tough talk, for the most part, you know, like, about other drivers, our bosses, and our wives.  It is the only time we get to talk this way without getting a fist in the face.  We drop a couple of descriptors like “you asshole,” “dick head,” and stuff like that at other people.  Spitting, maybe for us it is a natural thing to do, you know, God’s plan.  There you go, make it a Holy thing.

You might be asking yourself what is the point of this rant, and you have every right to do so.  The deal is I notice this with guys.  Guys love to spit.  Case and point: guys will know this, and probably notice it more when I throw it out there.  Ladies, unless you pay a visit to a Men’s Room, this will not be verifiable and you will have to trust me.  At least eight out of ten guys will walk up to a urinal and the first thing they will do is spit into it, and I will most likely be one of these guys, every time.  I don’t know what it is about spitting, but the urge is totally uncontrollable.  Even if I consciously think about not doing it, I usually do.  The first time I noticed this about myself I thought I was weirder the hell, but then I started to notice other guys were as weird as me, though it did not make me feel any better about my own disgusting habit.  It is a very bad habit.

Well, there it is, I have bared my soul, and told the world of my one disgusting habit, other than farting in bed and talking tough to myself in the car when I am alone, and maybe an occasional crotch scratch when I think no one is looking.  Good grief, I have to stop writing before I unearth more disgusting stuff about myself, and besides, I have a huge urge to go spit in the toilet.

And that is all I have to say about that…

PS: Happy 105th Birthday, Dad!!!